One of the best books we have read in our marriage is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The info we gleaned from this book has supported us and uplifted our marriage numerous times. It was amazing how that happened once we learned how we like to be loved and how we love each other.
What are the Five Languages of Love?
These are the languages: time, service, gifts, words and touch. These cover the areas of how not only we love but feel loved. We can have more than one language that are both important, but that is the exception to the rule. It is true that it is not easy always to tell what someones love language is. I will show you what I mean.
Last month was Julie's 50th birthday. I wanted to do something special for her and got together with her mom to come up with the plan of going to Pullman on Valentine's Day for a Cougar Basketball Game. This was to be a time together for her and me with no kids allowed. I thought "what a great gift" and was super excited to give it to her. We had the whole weekend planned - game tickets, hotel, dinner, the works. Except for one very important detail - child care arrangements. I figured "no big deal", I'd figure that out after I gave her the gift.
Now let me tell you - she did like the gift, just not jumping up and down screaming excited. Why? Those child care issues weighed heavy for her and overshadowed the rest of the weekend. It was hard for me to understand what the issue was because my love language is time and this hit every note of that. The problem, this wasn't a gift to me, it was a gift for her! It is not uncommon to give love in the same language you receive love in. What will trip you up is if your spouse isn't fluent in that love language too!
The Us Factor Marriage Program
We've recently been listening to the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick, a new marriage program designed to help make a marriage better (or save it altogether). One of the things Dr. Melnick encourages in his program is to really listen to your partner, and that's exactly what I did.
We had a date night coming up and while we were out, Julie asked if we might talk a bit more about her gift. Saying sure, I did my best to listen without retreating to childishness. This has been an area I am working on as it surfaces whenever I feel I could have made a mistake. We had decided in the past what our love languages were and Julie and I both thought ours was time. However, it seems that it might be true (at least not her first) when she explained how resolving the childcare gave her the feeling of being loved. I wasn't sure I knew what she meant, so I said 'tell me what your ideal gift would be'.
The Perfect Present
After processing the idea of a bit, she expressed how she would look back fondly on her 50th remembering going out to dinner. You see I had arranged to not have to work and the kids got all spiffed up (and also disengaged from the Wii). We did it up right and she didn't have to lift a finger. It seems service is her first love language, with time a runner up. Service means sacrifice something of yourself for another (e.g. my work, kids dressing up). I also served her that day by washing the inside and outside of her car. That is quite a feat with our 5 grubby kids. She really enjoyed that too.
A hearty thank you to Dr. Melnick (Us Factor) and Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) for facilitating a growing moment for me and Julie. Our marriage is better for it. The Five Love Languages book is a must read for every married couple. - 15343
What are the Five Languages of Love?
These are the languages: time, service, gifts, words and touch. These cover the areas of how not only we love but feel loved. We can have more than one language that are both important, but that is the exception to the rule. It is true that it is not easy always to tell what someones love language is. I will show you what I mean.
Last month was Julie's 50th birthday. I wanted to do something special for her and got together with her mom to come up with the plan of going to Pullman on Valentine's Day for a Cougar Basketball Game. This was to be a time together for her and me with no kids allowed. I thought "what a great gift" and was super excited to give it to her. We had the whole weekend planned - game tickets, hotel, dinner, the works. Except for one very important detail - child care arrangements. I figured "no big deal", I'd figure that out after I gave her the gift.
Now let me tell you - she did like the gift, just not jumping up and down screaming excited. Why? Those child care issues weighed heavy for her and overshadowed the rest of the weekend. It was hard for me to understand what the issue was because my love language is time and this hit every note of that. The problem, this wasn't a gift to me, it was a gift for her! It is not uncommon to give love in the same language you receive love in. What will trip you up is if your spouse isn't fluent in that love language too!
The Us Factor Marriage Program
We've recently been listening to the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick, a new marriage program designed to help make a marriage better (or save it altogether). One of the things Dr. Melnick encourages in his program is to really listen to your partner, and that's exactly what I did.
We had a date night coming up and while we were out, Julie asked if we might talk a bit more about her gift. Saying sure, I did my best to listen without retreating to childishness. This has been an area I am working on as it surfaces whenever I feel I could have made a mistake. We had decided in the past what our love languages were and Julie and I both thought ours was time. However, it seems that it might be true (at least not her first) when she explained how resolving the childcare gave her the feeling of being loved. I wasn't sure I knew what she meant, so I said 'tell me what your ideal gift would be'.
The Perfect Present
After processing the idea of a bit, she expressed how she would look back fondly on her 50th remembering going out to dinner. You see I had arranged to not have to work and the kids got all spiffed up (and also disengaged from the Wii). We did it up right and she didn't have to lift a finger. It seems service is her first love language, with time a runner up. Service means sacrifice something of yourself for another (e.g. my work, kids dressing up). I also served her that day by washing the inside and outside of her car. That is quite a feat with our 5 grubby kids. She really enjoyed that too.
A hearty thank you to Dr. Melnick (Us Factor) and Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) for facilitating a growing moment for me and Julie. Our marriage is better for it. The Five Love Languages book is a must read for every married couple. - 15343
About the Author:
Is your marriage crumbling, good but you want great, or somewhere in the middle? Whatever the case, take a look at our How To Fix My Marriage website for lots more tips and tools to make your marriage the best possible. Plus, you can read the Us Factor Review for more information on this great new marriage product.
